on my first day on the job,
i saw a girl split in half down the middle. both sides of her jolted and twitched for 72 hours until we sewed her back up. she thanked us profusely in two different voices. one side of her mouth is always stuck in a frown, but they told me i did well!

on my second day on the job,
his eyes kept falling out. i picked up two hundred and twenty two pairs before we managed to stopper the sockets. dr hex said it is hard to plug this infection in time. when the shift was over we popped the eyes with our heels as a treat.

on my third day on the job,
i asked dr hex why she decided to work in such a place. unco was well known as a town where nothing ever went right. she told me she was born here, and asked me why i chose to come here, a sliver of a smile snaking over her face. i told her the truth.

on my fourth day on the job,
one of the other nurses brought in her daughter, covered in strange pustules that seemed to spiral endlessly. dr hex tutted: “marianne, didn’t i tell you to stop letting her play in the glandpit?!” she wheeled the girl away. i never saw her again.

on my fifth day on the job,
dr hex said it was cleansing day. she told me i was her new favourite, because unlike the others, i didn’t fucking complain. she lined up all the nurses and handed me a shotgun. “we are all we need here from now on. i was looking for someone like you.”

on my sixth day on the job,
i ground up every other nurse. dr hex said i could keep any of their uniforms that fit me. she said it didn’t matter if they have blood on, they would get dirty anyway. she told me to lick the floor. i caught her sneaking an arm out of the meatgrinder.

on my seventh day on the job,
i asked if we would get patients again soon. dr hex told me to be patient, or she would make me into one. she is very good at that. i like the quiet hallways. this was the only hospital that would take me after what i did. i love my job.

she calls me her favourite toy. i call myself a wretched creature. that's disrespectful, so i put out 7 cigarettes on my arm in a row. she finds me when i am about to do number 8. she has an look on her face i can not define. her lip quivers something flashes behind her eyes.

she's all hammer and nails picking me up by my hair and holding me infront of her, upturned nose, sneer about her face.

"what makes you think
you can do that
to my body?"

she hisses and AH, AH, please, i spit out blood and look up at her from where she threw me. everything hurts.

"7? that's not my lucky number. go on. you can continue. i want to watch." she pulls up a chair and spins it round, straddling it as she throws me a lighter and a fresh pack of cigarettes. she's decorated with a glimmering grin. "you know my lucky number is 111. go."

i cut my shadow off using very special scissors and locked her in a cage. she did something like screaming, something like a thousand nails on chalk at once, something like the worst sound you’ve ever heard. i gagged her with a silver scolds bridle. this shut her up for good.

she will never follow me again. i will not let her. i keep her where i want her, with chains made of void, the only thing that can contain her. i call her ugly. i call her horrible. disgusting. real nasty. she followed me every day for nearly three decades. now she is Mine.

no longer will she walk in my shoes. no longer will she take control of my flesh. no longer will she ruin my fucking life. i’ll show her who is disgusting. i will show her. she does not reflect. so, i will carve one using pieces of her. i will make her into a pitch black mirror.

give your shadow a place to play! it is always hiding behind you! don’t you think it is unfair?! how is it going to play when trapped? it goes wherever you go, it grabs you when it can. that’s why i cut it free, so it can play! i am lying here, waiting for you to touch it.

actually, i lied to you. i did not snip my shadow off. someone else did it for me. i can’t cut it myself. do you know why? if i look in a mirror, i do not see my reflection. i am making a mirror out of parts of me. it is not to trap me, but maybe to kill her.

okay, okay, okay, i’m not trying to kill her. yeah, i lied again. but she’s in my cage now. it’s not a cage. she acts like it is a cage. she screams to be let out sometimes. but she never was supposed to play every day. it is my turn now.

i locked my muse in my basement!!!!
she's so beautiful that i know you don't blame me. neither does she! every day she begs me to touch her. every day she screams. i only feed her the finest meats, lengths of pig and sanguinian wine. she always asks for more!

sometimes, she is unruly. i grab her by the hair and tell her she is mine now, so she better get used to it, as she is not going anywhere!! every sunday i make holes in her and drink ichor from her pulsating vessel. i defile her and cleanse her lovely flesh again and again.

she tells me she loves me every day! not once has she said she wants to leave!!! i bite her neck as a form of greeting, she stares at me with love and fear. when she's a good little goddess i let her play in the garden.

why did i take her?
well, it's the only way to stay inspired!

a pound of flesh
and two pints of blood.
that's what she wanted. exsanguinate and exorcise. i chose my brother. he'd always been a cunt. ratty worm of a boy, held me down and spat on me. i tied him up and laughed. he was a screecher.

i thought it would be enough to repay her, but when i delivered it to her desk she made a little "mhmm" and looked it over, then told me: "this is not from someone you love. i can smell it on you. the hate. that was too easy."

two pounds of flesh
and four pints of blood.
i always loved my mother. i did, i did, i promise! i loved her so much, i loved her, i loved her, i didn't want to see her cry. i'm never going to forget the look on her face. she was a squealer.

i slammed it down and wiped my brow. she didn't even glance over it, but she did tut and look me in the eyes. "i told you. it's three pounds of flesh and eight pints of blood now. good luck. make it count."

she undulates over me. her spit tastes like seawater. i swell inside her. our spit tastes like saltwater. i shove my tongue of brine down her throat and listen to her choke. i want to drown her with my love. she undulates under me. my spit tastes like seawater.

naiad girls have innumerable depths. i will pull you so deep inside me that you can never leave. i am abyssal. i am abundant. i am everything you will ever want. your skeleton is made of glass. i etch you with my tears. i am an ocean.

it's not deep enough, is it? i know you want more. it is the most pure thing you will ever have. here, let me hold you under. here, let me submerge you. here, let it engulf you. i know you want it. you don't have to tell me. i know exactly what you want. you want it deeper.

ripping off their wings is my favourite thing.

some like to cut them,
but that isn't satisfying at all.
see, when you pull them off you can REALLY feel them struggle. they wriggle and writhe when you have it half-pulled off, tiny glassen wing thing hanging from a meat-thread.

i stick my other fingers
in the tendons and whirl.
sweet sinewy skittering.
really makes any one of them a screamer!
they can make more noise than you think, those tiny things!

actually, did you know, you can make anything into a screamer if you stick your fingers in all the wrong places?!

oh. oh, yes. keep making that face. i love it when you do that one!! your lips all pulled back to show me your teeth, your eyes wide and filled with - wait, why are you crying? look. i told you. i TOLD you. if you're going to cry, you get the special saw. you cry when i let you.

didn't you want to be a weapon? you're so much less than that. i could never wield you. you can't even keep your tears to yourself! okay, yeah, i'll lick them away. a salt delicious from such a little thing. you make too many.

i should make you into a watering can instead. keep my plants happy. you're howling again? no. NO. no. [CRACK.] how many times before you listen?! [CRACK!] stupid empty thing. next time you will stay still and grimace just how i like it.